Attention ladies

I'd like to take a moment to take comic book characters far too seriously. I'm speaking specifically to the characters of Harley Quinn, and The Joker, and the effect that they have had on far far too many women. I'm speaking of these sorts of images, which if you're lucky, you haven't seen all over your facebook (I have);

  Now really, who cares. It's a hot couple that's been really popularized by the Suicide Squad movie. I'm actually a fan of both characters, and have been for a long time. The reason this drives me so crazy, its that in the 25ish years that Harley Quinn has existed in stories, in every single depiction, she is a tragic character. She is literally manipulated so hard that she develops a lifelong, severe, untreatable, mental illness. I understand many people can relate to "going crazy" because of love, or any sort of strong feelings, but its not healthy, and not something to romanticize...

Why would you possibly want this relationship of servitude? Emotional, physical, mental, servitude. The character of the Joker is

physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. Harley is manipulated into doing whatever he wants,  She is regularly beaten, regularly thrown aside, regularly treated as a toy. She left her life as a stable, successful, self respecting professional, to become an abuse toy for a murderous psychopath. Like... wtf. This is a cool story for a comic book or a movie for sure, but its really messed up that there are women who are taking this as what they want.

 I know I'm gonna sound like a staunch old fart talking about damn kids and those damn tv shows, and that's not the point here at all. I'm not even being critical necessarily, I just can't believe that we are glorifying mental illness and domestic abuse, and that there are women out there eating it up. Like there's a list of things that shouldn't be romanticized, and on the list is domestic violence, manipulation, mental/emotional abuse, mental illness, lack of self respect, violence, I'm pretty sure I could keep going about just how horrible this all is. It's crazy to me. Absolutely crazy. Stop it!! When you advertise yourself as a Harley Quinn lover, or that you want that relationship, you're attracting men that want to own you, and you're showing a lot more of your cards than you even realize. Don't be like this! Be better...

Something New

Hi guys. So here we are now, changing media forms to something a little more "complete". I don't know if anybody read my most recent instagram post, but essentially this post is going to be a more fleshed out version of that. The other day, a friend of mine told me, that looking at my instagram paints a very different picture of me, and that she saw it before she really knew me very well. She also told me that I wasn't like what I portray at all. I do pride myself in my own self-awareness, so it wasn't the greatest to have a look at that.

I did look though. I saw that I really wasn't conveying the message that I wanted to be. it was silly, and not something I took very seriously (I don't take myself very seriously!), which was fine with me for the most part. Something silly like posting a picture of the most recent veins that I've seen popping out of my shoulders, or the ratio of my upper body to my waist... I chuckle a little bit about these ridiculous pictures, and enjoyed sharing them. It seems vain, self-absorbed, even arrogant. It's only a partial story. It's a partial story that leaves viewers their own mind to fill in the blanks(which is human nature), and based on what I give them to go on, its not a nice, or accurate story.

The story I've told doesn't say anything about my complicated relationship with food. The struggles with overeating, the fact that I still fight with that. It doesn't show the darker times, the body shaming moment that left me broken and hating myself so many years ago. Building a tiny garage gym, the frustration to the point of tears, and feeling more alone than I ever had in my life until that point. These pictures don't show the breaking of heart, soul, and body, the utter and complete dejection, or the journey to take control of my life. Why I do take pride in controlling even the tiniest parts of my physicality. Why that new vein popping out is significant. That's the story I want to tell. That's the story that's important to me, and the story that I want people to know. I strive to be a positive force to anyone I interact with, and the fact that I have been a negative influence in more cases than I care to admit is disheartening, and regrettable. My life, my mindset, my motivation, my passion... these things are reflected in my body. My body is an expression of everything going on at once. It's not the other way around, my body isn't what makes me happy and strong, its being happy and strong that makes my body. I feel as though that is the idea that got lost the most.

As I've now made the decision to enter the world of competitive bodybuilding, I want to start this part of that journey on a new note. A better note. I want to use my words and thoughts just as much as pictures. I want to tell the story of my progress, not just show the superficial side of it. I'm going to share as much as I possibly can, for anybody that wants to know what this is like. The mental, emotional, and physical sides of it. It won't just be about bodybuilding either, it will be about a multitude of things, but that's kind of what I'm doing right now, so it's something I'll be sharing alot of.

Thanks for reading. I hope you continue to, and that you enjoy what you read. Here's a couple pics I posted recently: